Why I'm Thankful

How great is it that we have a non-political, non-religious holiday focused on gratitude? And that we are free to celebrate it as we choose.  Just the day is a lot to be thankful for! 

My personal list would fill the page and overflow, so I looked back for something in my past that most influenced my overall happiness - what might have been the first thing? Certainly most of us are grateful for where, and to whom, we were born. Most of us enjoyed a good education, a safe environment for growing up, some good friends who enriched our lives. We are all the product of our pasts, and if we are happy today most likely it is because of gifts or challenges, or probably both, we were given over the years. But was there one thing, one event, one person, one value, one lesson - that most contributed to my living this happy/grateful life?

It's funny how the mind and heart work. I was truly thinking in an analytical way, just to see where my memory would go. Yet my emotions were not having it! My mind would settle on one thing, and my heart would be all "But what about ______ ? You'll hurt their feelings, dishonor their memory, etc, etc, if you don't "pick" them." Geez heart, it's not a competition! The mind also has its interfering moments known as "the reality check". You know, those things you really want to remember going a certain way, but you have to admit they didn't :-( Since I'm an only child I need an internal reality-checker. I know that those with siblings (like my sons) have their reality checked on a regular basis!

So with mind and heart making a simple stroll down memory lane into a much more complicated expedition with maps and a sound track, I did eventually settle on something that felt (the heart usually wins) right.

Not surprising given that I went back as far as possible, it is something from my mother. I believe I am so happy today because I am responsible for that happiness. I don't get to assign blame to any one or any thing else. Ultimately I am responsible for choosing a path, an action, a response, a person to be in my life. My earliest memories include my mother saying "I'm telling you that if you pick up the cat she will scratch you. If you get scratched, you don't get to be mad at the cat." 

Every time I would say something like "He/she/they/it makes me feel so ______ !", Mom would correct me. It always came back to me. She didn't discount the hurtfulness of words and deeds, but she instead focused on my response to them. Did I want to keep that person or thing in my life when they were the source of pain, or did I want to remove them? It was my choice and therefore I was responsible for the results. Of course I usually chose the pain, and blamed the other party, and ignored my mother's sage advice.

But the lesson was still there, repeated by my mother, and building some momentum in the back of my mind. I was probably in my late 20's before I really gave it a serious try. Damn if Mom wasn't right! The more I took responsibility, the more I made conscious choices for my own happiness, the less I gave others the power over my well-being - the happier I was. I didn't "give it up" to a higher power, I didn't get to blame it on a demon. I had to live with the decisions I made about me.

Today I don't watch the news, I accept that others don't share my opinions and beliefs, I scroll past those Facebook posts I know I won't agree with, I don't take someone else's bad day personally,  I believe that most people are good, I expect my dreams to come true, I know the consequences of being unkind and dishonest are of my own making. 

I don't always get it right. I fall off the no-blame wagon. I get depressed and angry over the actions of others. I become fearful over the "what ifs". I openly question the sanity of Raiders' fans..... 

Still, I come back to what my mother gave me all those years ago, and am a blessed and happy person. I am a grateful person. 

It was a good exercise for me to look back at what most influenced my happy/grateful life.

You know what you're grateful for - but do you know why?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.